Yeah, so it hasn't happened yet.   Am I surprised?  No.  I'm really horrible like that (though I do have a couple thousand words of the next chapter done).  Plus I've been dealing with some personal/emotional issues since I graduated.  I was depressed for probably a good month, more depressed that I've been in a long time.  But, I'm doing better now.  I still haven't been able to find any kind of job, unfortunately.   Not surprising with the economy and everything, but I think it would help me to get out of the house and make some money.  

I did go to my old high school to say hi to some old teachers, and told the drama teachers that I'd be happy to volunteer if they need help with the after school drama program, which I was really into when I was a student there.  So, I'll get out of the house at least a few times a week to help with that.

I'm such a hermit, it's pretty sad.  Even online, where there is complete anonymity, I hardly ever take part in communities...I just lurk.  Just like in RL.  It's something that I've been thinking a lot about, something that I'd like to change, but it's hard, like everything else.  Simple intellectually, hard emotionally.

Anyway, there was something else I wanted to write about--I went to the local dump for the first time in years.  It was traumatizing, to say the least.  To see all the stuff that people throw out...and feeling guilty that we were throwing out all the old junk from the shack/shed out back.  True, almost all the stuff we were throwing out could not have been donated or recycled, but it was still hard to see.  It definitely makes me want to up our recycling and start a compost pile, two things that I've been meaning to do but that I just never get around to, just like so many other things in my life.  Ugh, I've got to stop sounding so self-pitying.  

Anyway, if anyone ever had any doubts about "living green" they should take a trip to the nearest dump and look at the stuff people are throwing away...look at how much of that stuff could have been donated, recycled, or reused, and then think about the thousands and thousands of years it will take for even a fraction of that garbage to decompose, and think about how many of these dumps there are around the world...It's really mind-boggling and very sad.

I seriously need to get one of these.

ThinkGeek :: Clocky Robotic Alarm

Posted using ShareThis

So I'm pretty inactive with this whole blogging thing, but here I am :). I'm such a chronic lurker that I almost forget I have an actual journal to post to and not just a friends page. Anyway.

Over at lupin_snape they posted a list of the Fantasy Fest Fic from 08--and yes, there was my woefully uncompleted fic *feels ashamed.* I can't believe that I've left if for so long...I like it, after all, and though I did have a little bit of writer's block, it's really no excuse. Anyway, I have started working on it again. I'm going to go looking for a beta who can hopefully give me a prod (swift kick in the rear) as well as betaing so that this time I will actually get this thing done.

The whole story has just grown so huge though...when I started it, it was going to be a short thing that I could actually manage, and now I don't even know where it is heading. Also, after a year of sitting in my hard drive, Severus no longer has any inclination to have romantic feelings for Draco. Granted, such feelings would have to wait until Draco has recovered, if he ever does, but Severus is refusing to even contemplate such an eventuality. And Harry, who's not even supposed to be in the fic except as a very minor character, keeps butting his head in. Now he wants to get together with Draco. *Sighs* That's what I get for letting these characters stew for so long.

I think it's funny that I have to think "Wed-NES-day" in my head to spell Wednesday. I also have to think "to-get-her" to spell together. I probably don't HAVE to, but it's so ingrained I think it every time. I do that for a lot of words, really. I was always a horrible speller though, so I need all the help I can get!

I'm doing it again. I have two papers due tomorrow. It's 8:24 pm and I haven't even started them. Well, I've done preliminary things, but haven't started the actual papers. I have no idea why I do this to myself. Sigh.

My mom bought me the season of moonlight for V day! I still can't believe they canceled that show. If they'd let it go for another season at least, they would have benefited from the Twilight crazy. I bet they're kicking themselves now. Anyway, I've watched them all already. I've pretty much wasted my whole weekend actually.

I have the lit. review for my soc. class and the draft of my story for my English class. I've gathered a ton of articles for the lit review, even though I only need five, but I haven't read any of them yet. And I haven't worked on my story at all. That's the thing that I'm most worried about. I hope I don't fuck up that story. It's my last English class, and the papers I do for it are going to be the examples of my whole English career. I wish I was more motivated to make them the best they could be. At this point I'm just hoping to get this last story finished, and oh well if it's not as good as it could be. Ugh, I hate that about myself. My worst fault is the way I cope with stress--I just pretend it's not an issue. Therefore nothing ever gets done about it.

My week of hell if finally over. Well, sort of. I still have a lot of research and writing to do over the weekend, but I have Monday as well, so that should help.

I went to a meeting for my women studies minor, and found out that there are only 7 of us in the entire university! I was shocked. Only 3 of us showed up for the meeting, and the one girl was half an hour late.

I signed up for classes today. Next quarter is going to SUCK. Bio 101, Anth. Senior Survey, and Soc. Stats. Death. I really wanted to take a new course that they are offering called Intro. to Queer Studies, but it over laps on one day with the bio. lab. I contacted the prof. to see if there was a way I could work around that. We'll see what she says.

Other than that I'm just trying to wind down from my week of hell. My mom's coming to visit this weekend though, she'll be here within the hour in fact, so my wind down time will be short. I love having her, but at the same time I'd like some time by myself. She'll buy me dinner and groceries though, so that will at least take some pressure off the money issue. Although, I feel bad when she spends money on me, since she really doesn't have money to throw away. I mean, she's not really "throwing it away", but still. I comfort myself with the thought that I'll give her money when I can afford it. Actually, I'll fix her house up for her first. It's a dump and she refuses to spend money to fix it up at all.

Anyway, this weekend I need to:

• Compile and write a literature review


• Have a *complete* rough draft of my monster short story done.


• Practice piano


• Do laundry

I should also work on the other drafts for my English class, but I'm not going to make that a priority.

Really. This week has been so traumatizing that I had to take time off from work just so I could make it through all of the things that are due. It's mostly my fault for leaving things till the last minute, but even still I'm usually able to handle it. It was the 200 pages of reading over the weekend that got me. I didn't think it would take me as long to finish that as it did. So I just did that all weekend and Monday, so everything else didn't get done. Sigh. Oh well, I'm getting closer to being caught up. I don't think I'll be actually caught up till the quarter is over, though.

In the few minutes of break I've given myself (like right now) I've been looking at grad school programs, trying to get an idea about what I'd do. They have a couple good looking gender/sexuality Mas that look interesting. They have a lot of women's studies/gender which don't look quite up my alley. I don't think I'd want to do an English MA of any kind, unless I decided I wanted to be a professor. The other possibilities I see are psych with a concentration in gender (which would mean a post-back in psych) or soc.. I haven't looked at soc. much, but I'd probably have to do post-back for that as well. There's SFSU which has a good sexuality program, where you can have different specializations. Plus it's not too far away. The other good-looking one for gender that I saw was in Illinois. Very far away.

I don't know. But at least I'm looking. Either way, I really think I need a year of grunt work, so that I apreciate school again, cause right now I hate it. Plus I need money.

I figure if I can't get that story done right now, I should at least be doing some writing here, even if it's just personal blogging.

Yesterday I got home from work, sat around for about an hour, and was so tired that I thought I'd take an short nap before I tried to make dinner. That was at 4. I slept until 10pm! 6 hours! I must have been more tired that I'd thought. When I woke up at 10, I got up and ate something, was awake for about 2 more hours, went back to bed, and fell asleep an hour later, at 1am. So altogether I got like 11 hours of sleep. I guess I needed it. I've been stressing out a lot lately, so my body probably needed to reboot.

I'm up early today to distribute the newsletter (I work on campus, writing/designing a once-a-month newsletter). Distributing is my least favorite part of the whole process, even worse than printing (which takes at least 6 hours on our crappy printer). I only have to post the newsletter to 2 campus housing complexes, but it takes me around an hour and a half. It's my own fault though. If I could get the thing done a week in advance, I could have the housing people post them. Oh well, it's exercise.

I have a TON of homework to try to get done this weekend, and knowing me, I won't do even half of it.

• Reading for Lit mag class-probably at least 200 pages



• literature review for soc.



• read non fiction story for publishing and do rough draft of letters



• work on rough draft of poetry paper



• Also...do the dishes and laundry, and clean up in general

So yeah, a lot. Plus I need to go over to MC's to help her with piano. We learned some cool stuff last class, so that should actually be fun. Plus I like being able to help someone like that, it makes me feel smart :P

Wow...22 weeks since I've posted anything. I would say that something horrible has happened in RL, but it hasn't. I am busy, no denying that, but not so much that it should take me this long to even post a personal rant. Sheesh. I'm sure it will only get worse--I'm graduating from Uni. this spring, and all my last-minute classes are taking their toll. I also have an on-campus job that I just started in the fall. I like it, it's not too hard, but it does cut into personal time. By the time I get home and make dinner/lunch for the next day, I just want to crash.

I really, really need to get out of this rut though. Nothing is getting done, never mind the fic I posted two chapters of way back in AUGUST. "Oh, don't worry, I'm a new to writing fic but I'll finish this one, promise!" Ha. Yeah, right. I can't believe it's been over 6 months since I posted that. Now I really understand/appreciate/respect people who are able to post consistently. I do plan on finishing that fic sometime, but who knows when that will be. This quarter is only going to get busier, and next quarter looks to be even worse. And then I'll have graduated and will be scrambling around trying to figure out what to do with myself. Sigh.

I was going to post the next part of my story on lupin_snape but the posting area of lj is being completly unreasonable and frustraing and I want to cry.  I can't understand why it keeps messing up--it's the lj cut that's the problem.  It makes me really mad 'cause I wanted to get the next part out before the deadline, since I won't be back home till after the deadline has passed.  So yeah, I'm really pissed.  I guess I should download one of those clients if I'm going to keep posting these longer story posts, otherwize I will end up crying for sure. 

Anyway, incase anyone is looking here for an update, I would have one for you if things were copoerating.  Sorry!

Challenge #238 at snape100 : Random Song Prompt
Title: It's All Your Fault
Author: Jadedbade
Rating: PG
Characters: SS
Word Count: 100
A/N: Track: It's All Your Fault by Wade Ray with Noel Boggs


Severus stood on the battle field, the smell of blood thick in the air. It was hard to breathe. The smoke and haze of lingering magic obscured his vision, but he could still see them—children. His children. His Slytherins.

Some wore green—killed defending the school. The others wore black, slain for walking a different path, the same path he had chosen at their age.

They had been his responsibility. Instead of helping them, guiding them, he had hidden himself in shadows for “the greater good”. Now the eyes of the dead stared back at him accusing, asking why.

Let's see, what's been going on...

Well, today and yesterday I started expanding on a few HP prompts that I picked up.  Maybe I'll actually expand one into a real story.

I had the wonderful idea that I should drink coffee at eight o'clock at night, so I'll be up all night tonight.  On the plus side, I'll probably get some cleaning done.

I need to have a presentation for my Languages and Gender class ready by next week, but I haven't even started.

I also need to figure something out for my Women's Studies presentation.

Not to mention I still need to go into the Empowerment Center and check out the other newsletters that I haven't seen, and try and learn the program I'll be using in the fall.

And I still need to find a summer job...now that summer is half over.

So, basically I'm failing.

One thing I have not failed at is my Lang. and Gender midterm.  I got the highest score in the class with a 96.  The next highest was only an 87.  I really don't understand why people didn't do better.  I didn't study till the morning of, and the test itself was pretty easy.  Whatever, people.  It's a boost to my ego. 

Um...that's all.

My computer came!! It's so pretty.  SO much nicer than the old one.  There was no problems with the shipping, everything came in one piece.  I haven't had any trouble with Vista and I hope it stays that way.  The only problem I have is that I think I should have gone with the 13in. screen instead of the 15in.  I don't think it's a big issue, but if I had a choice I think I'd switch.  I thought about calling Dell and asking about returning or exchanging, but I think that it would be too much of a hassle and I probably wouldn't get as good a deal as I got on this one, since the same coupons aren't available.  It's ok though, it's not a huge deal and it's something that I'm sure I'll get used to.   I haven't even started transferring all my stuff from my old computer yet, but I'm in no hurry to do that.  I suppose there's some way to do it with a cable to make it faster and easier, but I don't think I have the right kind of cable.  Besides, the stuff I want to transfer is only word.docs and pictures, no other programs or anything, so it shouldn't be too hard to just transfer them with a thumb drive.  

The only other problem I've had is that I haven't been able to download FireFox.  That's making me kind of mad, cause I like FireFox better than InternetExplorer. 

I haven't heard back from any of the places that I've applied to for a summer job yet.  I'm thinking about applying at Domino's, since it's just down the street.  Too bad that I hate their pizza, but we all make sacrifices :)

That's all for now.

Well, I went to see my anth. adviser on Friday, mostly just to check in and get a few things straightened out about my schedule.  It went well.  Its gratifying to know that both Prof. P and Prof. L think that it is an incredibly smart idea to be double majoring with the writing major.  I need to take some technical writing classes, but I think it's a great combination as well.  I've also decided that I'm going to minor in Women's Studies.  Insane, I know.  But I should be able to fit it in, after summer and fall quarter, I'll only need one more class.  I need to meet with my English adviser this week to make sure my schedule is good and talk to her about my schedule for the rest of the year.

When I was at the advising meeting, I had him look over my resume that I'm going to turn into the Empowerment Center.  I would have done it on Friday, but Prof. Ped gave me the email of a girl who is doing the same job this quarter, so I emailed her to ask her for more information about the position, but she hasn't emailed me back yet.  I think that I'll wait till Wednesday, and if she hasn't emailed me back I'll just go and turn it in.

Anyway, thats about all the news.  Except...B is engaged!  I can't believe it.  She's only known the guy for little less than a year.  I hope it goes well for her.  That's all.

Not much going on.  I've still put off talking to my adviser...on Monday I'll do it, really....Right now I'm procrastinating.  I should be cleaning since my mom coming up this weekend.  I really, really need to clean...my place is a pigsty. 

I was bummed today cause we never got around to workshopping my memoir, so I'll have to be all nervous again on Tuesday.  Ugh.

    I've been feeling a bit depressed/stressed lately.  This has been brought on by the fact that I'm nearly done with school, and I still have no idea what I want to do with my life.  I really need to decide now, too, or at least before I sign up for spring classes. 

    I guess I've just been going along assuming that I would figure out what I wanted to do, but even though I'm interested in a lot of different things, I've not been able to find my "passion".  I like anthropology a lot, and I don't regret having that as a major at all.  I've loved every class I've taken (with the possible exception of linguistics, but I blame that on the professor, mostly).  I also love all the English classes I've taken, and plan on taking a couple more regardless, but now I'm wondering if I should just switch over to the minor, and have a lot of "elective" classes in English instead.  The benefit of this would be that it would free up about five classes for next year that I could use to take something else.  As it is, the English Writing major will take almost all of next year to finish, with only one or maybe two extra classes open.  There are still random classes that I'd like to take, such as some environmental classes, psych classes, maybe the intro to nutrition class, and the ceramics throwing class.  I also need to figure out if I want to pursue gender as a "specialty".   If I did, some classes in the womens studies category would be good, as well as maybe family studies and/or soc.

    I've been interested in gender and sexuality since I took my anth. of gender class, and this quarter I'm taking soc. of gender, which has also been interesting so far, but I'm just not sure if it's just a passing interest, or something I can really build on.  It's the only anthropology subject that's really grabbed onto me at all, but I just don't know.  For the last couple weeks I was all into environmental anthropology until I realized I didn't have nearly enough knowledge about politics to get into that.  Anyway, what I mean is I don't know if my interest in gender will pass or not.  I've checked out some books from the library and skimmed through them, but there aren't any good overview books on 'the anthropology of gender'.  What I really need to do is go talk to my adviser, but I've been putting it off like a dumb ass, just because I feel stupid about it.  I really need to talk to him though, tell him that I have no clue what the hell I'm doing and that I need help figuring it out.  That's what he's there for after all.  I also need to talk to my English adviser about maybe downgrading to the minor.   And I need to talk to Prof. Pederson about my interest in gender.  Oi.

    On top of that, I noticed that the Empowerment Center is hiring event programmers for next year.  I'm really thinking about applying, I wrote out a resume and everything (as skimpy as it might be).  I'm also planning to take Languages and Gender, and Human Sexuality during the summer, along with Bio. 101 (the last of my breath classes, finally!).

    With all that, plus a test and a quiz on Monday and a huge paper that was due on Tuesday, I'm pretty wrung out.  AND I have to have a 2-3 page rough draft of a paper tomorrow for my Eng. III which wouldn't be bad except I have no idea what to write about, and we're work-shopping my memoir tomorrow, which will be nerve wracking.  AHHHHHH!  Sigh.  I need to get my life together.  Really.